We grew up watching fairy tale stories like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and many other chick flicks. We soon look forward to ‘meeting our prince charming’ and experiencing those magical ‘fairy tale endings’.
By highschool or college, you begin your attempt at ‘finding the one’, hoping he’d be one of those basketball jocks or music junkies you always find roaming around schools. You enter dating with all these expectations in your head about how he’ll be giving you flowers, writing you love letters, and playing haranas in front of your house.
Then you realize he’s far from how you pictured him in your head. He’s immature, reckless, selfish, and doesn’t even know how to make a proper “grand gesture”. (Like why can’t he think of arranging an airport singing scene like John Lloyd Cruz in ‘It Takes a Man and a Woman’?)
The relationship soon ends, leaving you feeling alone and incomplete, prompting your search for the next “the one”. Time passes by and you start jumping from one relationship to another, not remembering the last time when you were single.
You get so emotionally invested in your relationships, still thinking of that “ideal happy ending” that you soon lose pieces of yourself along the process. Just to make the relationship work, just to make up for the imperfections, you begin hanging out less with your friends and more with your significant other. You break the rules for him, make sacrifices and some even go the extremes. Remember all the “pagtatanan” scenes that were so popular in 90s Filipino movies?
After awhile, you find yourself being dependent on your relationships. You let it define you instead of you trying to define it. You let yourself believe that you need someone else to complete you, but not you having that capacity to complete someone else. You let the relationship hinder you from growing instead of building a partnership to help you reach your potentials. You let him be the source of your world, your sun, your stars, your everything.
Well, just what is so wrong with that?
So maybe I dated a couple of assholes, doesn’t mean the perfect man isn’t going to be out there right? I just need to keep looking.
Unfortunately, this is the woman that many of our girls are becoming to be, leading us to compromise, to make excuses for our partners, to let loose of our principles, morals and standards.
But that’s not how love is supposed to work! That is not how God has designed love, courtship and marriage.
We end up blaming our men for something they “lack” when we are the ones who are “lacking”, trying to use them to fill the void in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves because we let it be so.
True love waits. Yes, it’s cliche but it’s necessary. Not just for the reason of promoting sexual purity but most of all to protect yourself from the bitterness, heartaches and consequences that comes from entering a relationship without first finding yourself, completing yourself and becoming the best version of yourself.
Be more concerned with becoming the right woman than finding the right man.
Your “ideal man” despite how flawed he may be does not deserve your broken pieces. Woman of God, get yourself together! Commit to a season of singleness and enjoy every minute of it through knowing the Lord. Let Him fill that emptiness, that void. Only through Him will you be able to find your identity. Only through Him will you be able to understand your worth. And only through Him will you be able to become the right woman who is physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually prepared for the right man.